Constantine "Blessed are the Damned" Review: Wings of Desire

Constantine S01E01: "Blessed Are the Damned"

Can Chas and Zed not be in the same room together? It seems like there's always an excuse as to why one of them can't go adventuring. Do they not like each other? Or is it more of a split custody kind of thing, where Zed and Chas switch off weekends babysitting the dark arts dabbler. My guess is that dying in every episode would be too taxing on Chas's body. Maybe a getaway here and there is good for him.

With Chas taking some time off from his weekly bout with death, "Blessed Are the Damned" was able to focus a bit more on our gal Zed. Her battle with John over her mysterious past has become a little tiresome seven episodes in, where each attempt to figure out where she came from is met with her Eyes of Derision and her much-practiced Furrowed Brow, which she employs in tandem to convey a sentiment best described as "Screw off, limey." And since she'll never willingly offer up any intel to John, Constantinedecided that "Blessed are the Damned" would be an episode engaging in the time-honored narrative tradition of showing and not telling.

This week, Constantine addressed one of my pet peeves with TV shows that deal in the supernatural: mortals' contact with capital-A Answers. I'm not talking about the ones thatPretty Little Liars' Ali was supposed to provide to her friends regarding the hierarchy of anonymous bullies stalking teenage girls. Bigger than that. So often, characters will encounter an angel or some irrefutable religious proof with indifference or fleeting awe. While it wouldn't necessarily make for great television to see a person meet someone with actual wings and start making different, virtuous life choices because the universe has been revealed to them, a touch of amazement that lingers beyond a handshake would be nice.

So when Zed and John stumbled upon a woman who looked like she was just making leaf angels but who turned out to be an actual angel, I was waiting for the inevitable breeze-through of the introduction of ontological proof. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find Zed was an acceptable level of impressed with this new knowledge. It was a little weird that Zed's first question was, "Why do I hallucinate, like, all the time?"—at least given what we might expect an angel to absolutely know—but at least she seemed appropriately disrupted. She even took a moment to chastise John for being so cynical in life after learning that such things exist.

But, obviously, he has a right to be cynical, and that' because he's seen all the things. While Zed maintained her delicate balance of being both wide-eyed and withholding, the episode was holding another shoe and waiting for the right moment to drop it. "Blessed Are the Damned" had enough going on—between its initial conflict, ticking bombs, and women with plunging cleavage—that it didn't even need the dark twist at the end. Discussions of angels and trying to save them from perishing in the world of mortals could've sustained the entire hour. But we had to teach Zed a lesson for believing in the good of the universe. The angel had to be a member of the Fallen who was willing to bend backwards into an involuntary Matrix pose to illustrate that knowing that God exists doesn't mean your life is all milk and honey and unicorns. It was a fine misdirection; if you weren't waiting for the Rising Darkness to make an appearance after it happened, you were probably like, "Well, I wasn't sure what I was expecting."

But back to Zed. It seems that "wide-eyed and withholding" is the best way to describe her personality. She's eager but also aloof. Sentimental but distant. Naïve but withdrawn. I'm not sure if she's inconsistent as a character or if she's just constantly denying her true self while protecting a soft, melty core. This was probably most evident with her other betrayal of the episode. While I never thought Constantine would take a page fromScandal's playbook, it turns out that someone deployed a naked man as bait to get Zed to do something stupid (in this case it was coming out of hiding, not revealing the insider information on incendiary geopolitical situations).

Far be it from me to deny Zed getting her groove on. This Eddie seemed like a nice guy, and if you're willing to date a guy you've seen all of in front of God and everything, you probably saw something you liked. It's just unfortunate that, as we watch Zed open up more and more, it means she's opening herself up to treachery and fraud. I'm also guessing that situations like these are what gave her such over-the-top frightened faces and the desire to clam up in the first place.

Seven episodes is a long time to wait for a TV series to show you something, and I'm still not even sure we're there yet. John & Co. are at their best when their adventures challenge lead-heavy ideas and muck through ethical quandaries, which is why this episode and "Feast of Friends" have been Constantine's strongest showings to date. But the series is still just a little off somehow, just a little rough around the edges. The dialogue doesn't necessarily hit, the chemistry isn't exactly right, and the line delivery from all the main characters leaves one wanting.

People keep asking me if they should watch Constantine, and I don't know if it's worth it. I'm certainly enjoying the show, but if keeping up with it means not catching up on something else, Constantine can sit on the back burner. Even if this turns out to be the series' only season and the investment is ultimately a small one, Constantine isn't on the same level as Wonderfalls or Freaks and Geeks, where a single season is worth making time for in a crowded television schedule. Keep watching if you're into it. I'm willing to support the #SaveConstantine hashtag just because I'm curious to see how or if it will retool.

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OTHER THINGS PLUCKED FROM AN ANGEL'S WINGS

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– Small shout-out to Patrick Carroll, who I thought did a great job of portraying a terrible preacher, a magnetic preacher, and an avatar of Ben Hawkins from Carnivàle. When his sister backed away from being healed by him, I figured it was just homage.

– The way John spoke to the couple in line was odd, like he was actually having a conversation with them but couldn't help his sarcastic tone. Pair that with his disdain for local cuisine and the demons that need to be exorcised in the region and I might start to feel like this show doesn't much care for the South.

– "Courtesy counts." As much as this episode was about exploring Zed, we got some insight into Manny, too. Was his conversation with the dark angel Imogen (before he knew she was Fallen) about curiosity into what it's like to be mortal, or has spiritual guidance lost its luster when constantly faced with people jaded by their free will?

– Also, how about Manny going all Mortal Kombat on Imogen? And then leaving Zed with the still-beating Heart of Darkness? That almost made up for how goofy Manny looked leaning up in Zed's body.

– No wonder Zed ran away from whoever that was. That was a terribly gaudy necklace.

– Zed humming the melody so that the melody would be sung to her from elsewhere would've been an interesting device if the writers had been inspired by "call and response," which is rooted in religion. It was less interesting after they called it "echolocation" like they were bats flapping around in the dark.

– I'm waiting for the Zed and Chas episode where John is sleeping one off and they have to save everyone. That might be what finally makes me believe in this show. Just do Chas: The Knowledge with Zed constantly hallucinating and Chas dying 30 times. They wouldn't even have to leave the cabin.

What'd you think of "Blessed Are the Damned"?

Surprise! Manu Bennett Is Returning to Arrow

When last we saw the handsome visage of Manu Bennett's Slade Wilson on Arrow, Oliver had opted not to kill him, in favor of locking him up in an A.R.G.U.S. prison on the island of Lian Yu. And sure, Oliver was trying to stick to his "no killing" rule, but I suspect that his decision to let Slade live was also the result of Arrow's writers not wanting to close off the possibility of writing for Slade again. They probably didn't want to put themselves in the position of having to find a second miraculous way for the character to cheat death when they wanted to bring him back, you know? At the time, Slade vowed that he would eventually find a way to escape his prison, and now it looks like that day might come sooner rather than later. Or not. According to MTV News, Bennett is Slade-d slated to appear in Episode 314 when Arrow returns from its winter hiatus. 

Unfortunately (or fortunately?), it remains unclear whether Bennett will be appearing via flashback à la Colin Donnell when Tommy popped up in Hong Kong earlier this season, or whether he'll be part of the present-day storyline. My money's on a flashback, but what do you think? 

Are you excited to see Bennett reprise his role, or should Arrow have waited a bit longer before reminding us of Slade's looming presence?

AMC Orders a Pilot for Preacher, Its Latest Comic Adaptation

AMC is hoping to once again strike gold with a TV series based on a comic book.

The network announced late Wednesday that it has ordered a pilot for Preacher, a new drama based on the '90s comic series of the same name by Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon. The project was first announced in February; the pilot will be produced in the summer of 2015 for series consideration in 2016.

Preacher follows Jesse, a conflicted preacher in smalltown Texas who merges with a creature that has escaped from heaven. As a result, he develops the ability to make anyone do anything he says. Along with his ex-girlfriend Tulip and an Irish vampire named Cassidy, the three embark on a journey to literally find God. 

The AMC adaptation of the comic hails from Sam Catlin, who previously worked with the network as a producer on Breaking Bad; Seth Rogen; and Evan Goldberg. Catlin wrote the script, while Rogen and Goldberg are on board to direct and produce. 

"Preacher has been our favorite comic since it first came out," Rogen and Goldberg said in a statement. "Garth Ennis is one of our idols and it's an incredible honor to be working on this. We promise we won't make too many dick jokes and ruin it." 

Added Catlin, "Thanks to AMC for completely losing their minds and letting us do this. I'm so excited to bring Garth Ennis's bloody, amazing and bloody amazing universe to TV."

Sleepy Hollow Season 2 Fall Finale Review: Big Overture, Little Show

Sleepy Hollow S02E11: "The Akeda"

I'm just going to put this out there: Human sacrifice is wrong. In times of war, men and women regularly lose their lives in battle—regardless of whether they've chosen that path or destiny chose it for them—but that isn't the same thing as Abbie asking Ichabod if he'd be able to sacrifice his only son should Henry stand between them and Moloch. Fortunately for Ichabod, he didn't have to make that choice, because Henry turned on Moloch after realizing that his father figure was willing to sacrifice him in order to ensure the success of his plans to release hell on Earth. So Henry skewered that ugly demon with the Sword of Methuselah, which he could do because he no longer had a soul, and that presumably put an end to the erratic lightning, the hailing blood, and the demon army that was rising from the ground. However, we don't know for certain, because "The Akeda" ended before we had the chance to find out. And thus, even though Moloch was defeated, Sleepy Hollow's fall finale felt unfinished. Perhaps that's to be expected given the episode's status as a fall finale, but it's still incredibly frustrating from a storytelling standpoint. 

When Captain Irving defeated Henry's Super Suit and then died from wounds he'd sustained during the fight, it was fairly clear what the outcome of the battle against Moloch would be, whether it happened this week or three seasons from now. As Witnesses and the stars of the show, Abbie and Ichabod couldn't risk dying, which prevented them from wielding the sword against Moloch. As the show's resident witch, Katrina was equally safe from harm. That left Jenny, and she wasn't a viable option because Sleepy Hollow couldn't afford to unnecessarily kill off another character so quickly after Irving. Abbie made a fairly convincing argument for being willing to sacrifice the people they love and not just themselves in order to end this war between good and evil, but in the end, the story dictated that Henry had to be the one to defeat Moloch. It wasn't so much that he was choosing his real parents or even choosing good over evil, but rather that he was tired of being bossed around by this unappreciative asshole:

Sleepy Hollow has long presented Moloch as the ultimate villain, the demon behind the curtain who's pulling all the strings. He made Brom the Horseman of Death, and he saved Henry and made him the Horseman of War. We've been led to believe he's the world's greatest evil and the reason Abbie and Ichabod were called up as Witnesses. So it's too bad that his defeat came far too easily and didn't really feel earned.

From a character standpoint, Moloch barely qualified as one, which means his role as a baddie was limited. We didn't even see his face until this week, a big tell that he was never going to be Sleepy Hollow's version of true evil. In each of his prior appearances, he was either cloaked in shadow or purposefully blurred; was this week's "reveal" of his ugly mug a visual representation of how little we actually knew about him, or was it the show's way of inspiring fear in our hearts? In the end it didn't really matter because he wasn't fully formed, so his death didn't feel particularly important beyond the effect it'll have on Henry's personal story. To put it another way: Moloch talked the talk but he didn't walk the walk. We were told he was the mysterious Big Bad of Sleepy Hollow, but he never did anything to prove he deserved that title. He never felt all that dangerous. But maybe that was the point. 

Moloch appointed Brom and Henry as Horsemen of the Apocalypse, but it's not as if he created them from nothing; he preyed upon the evil that already existed within both men and used that darkness to his advantage. He might've given both men new life and transformed them into powerful foes for Ichabod and Abbie, but it was Brom and Henry's experiences as human beings that allowed them to become the evil creatures we know them as today. For all Brom's talk last week about choosing Moloch, neither Brom nor Henry was really all that concerned about unleashing hell on Earth. Brom always wanted to make Ichabod suffer and then skip off into the sunset with Katrina (whether she was willing to join him or not), and Henry just wanted to punish his parents for abandoning him as a child. Moloch and his apocalyptic desires were merely a conduit for telling Brom and Henry's respective stories. He provided the two men with an outlet for their anger and the tools to do some really nasty stuff, but in the end, he was little more than a demonic sugar daddy. 

And if that isn't enough to diminish Moloch's importance in Sleepy Hollow's overall story arc, we of course have yet to meet the remaining two horsemen. That detail alone made it fairly obvious that despite the blood raining from the sky, the "apocalypse" we saw in "The Akeda" wasn't the one that was foretold. Defeating Moloch and stopping him from unleashing hell on Earth was actually just the first battle in a much larger war. Moloch told Henry there were horsemen before him and there'd be horsemen after him; so too will Sleepy Hollow have Big Bads after Moloch. Abbie and Ichabod have a long way to go before their work is done.

To be honest, Moloch's defeat couldn't have come soon enough. His presence actually slowed Sleepy Hollow's momentum even as Ichabod and Abbie made him their driving force. And while I'm glad the demonic hellbeast that's indirectly responsible for the death of Captain Irving is no more, I'm more excited about what his demise means for Henry. By killing Moloch, he has the chance to evolve into a real character. John Noble was an excellent addition to Sleepy Hollow's cast, but his talents have been wasted in a role that's largely been stagnant since he first revealed himself to be the Horseman of War in the Season 1 finale.

The reveal of Henry’s true nature—he was a cold and calculating monster feigning friendship in order to carry out his plans for revenge—was a mind-blowing moment that left viewers' collective jaws on the floor. But in Season 2, Henry has mostly been mimicking the behavior of every child in every Target everywhere. At times, I've half expected him to start whining about Frozen. But now that Moloch's been eliminated from the equation, Henry no longer has to play the role of dutiful soldier; he'll finally—hopefully—be able to work on his abandonment issues with his real parents without also trying to please his "father." Henry and Brom are the real, flesh-and-blood villains of this story, and one look at their screentime and character development proves that.

Which sadly brings me to Irving's fate. I've avoided talking about his death for as long as possible because it's arguably the most frustrating event in Sleepy Hollow history. To say that the series did a serious disservice to Orlando Jones in Season 2 is an understatement. John Noble might've had to portray a petulant child, but at least he had a real storyline. Meanwhile, the writers sidelined Irving in Tarrytown and stripped away his soul before leaving him to languish until the story dictated that he be present. Irving was apparently so broken by the time the events of "The Akeda" transpired that he willingly put on his game face and gave his life for the greater good. 

The late Elmore Leonard once published 10 rules for writing, but the one that matters is this one: Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip. That translates to the screen, too, and it means that everything you write should be focused and necessary. Everything you write should serve a purpose. But Irving's death served no purpose. There will always be casualties in war, and death is a powerful motivating factor that's commonly used to rally the troops for a final showdown—but that only works if your audience cares that the character is dead.

Irving was essentially written out of Sleepy Hollow the second he chose to take the fall for his daughter at the end of the show's first season. We didn't get to see his emotional breakdown in Tarrytown. We didn't get to see him devolve into a shriveled shell of his former self. We didn't get to see anything, and because of this, his death ultimately holds no meaning. And that's far worse than the fact he was killed in the first place. For a character who played such a large role in Season 1, he was killed off with little to no build-up. Some would argue that in real life, death is often sudden and without meaning, but this isn't real life, this is the most insane TV show in recent memory, and the death of a series regular should hold more weight than Irving's ultimately did. What happened to him was a damn shame.

At the end of the day, what purpose did "The Akeda" serve? After the well-paced and exciting events of the competent "Magnum Opus," the payoff this week was less than stellar. Moloch is dead, the Headless Horseman is once again locked up, Henry is still in possession of the sword and probably not yet ready to forgive his parents, and Irving is dead. This episode had all the makings of an eventful and grand mid-season finale—and on the surface it was enjoyable—but there are still too many unknown variables to declare it a decisive victory. I don't know where Sleepy Hollow is headed in the back half of Season 2 now that the immediate threat of the apocalypse has been handled, but I hope Irving's death was not in vain and that the show will take advantage of its slightly smaller cast and refocus itself a bit. I still see a lot of potential in Sleepy Hollow, as long as the show finds a way to use it.

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SHERIFF CORBIN'S FILES

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– Ichabod wants a motorcycle! Considering he doesn't know how to drive a car in reverse, and that a bike is about as close to a horse as he's going to get with regard to day-to-day transport, maybe it'd be good for him. I mean, "Abbie and Ichabod on a motorcycle" was probably on the whiteboard bucket list in the Sleepy Hollow writers' room because someone thought it would look cool, but I could get behind this, I think.

– The Horseman of Conquest/Pestilence made an appearance early in Season 1, but ultimately wasn't able to break through to our world, which made him more of a nuisance than a threat. Still, that's more than we've ever seen of Famine. Where are those buggers? J/K please stay away for as long as possible.

– Are Ichabod and Katrina still on a break now that Moloch has been defeated? I care very little about their little lover's quarrel, but figured it merited at least a mention here.

– As explained during the episode, "The Akeda" (which is usually spelled Akedah) refers to the Binding of Isaac, in which God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son. 

– "You brought roots to a sword fight?"

Parks and Rec's Final Season Has a Premiere Date, and NBC Is Burning It Off Very Fast

NBC is celebrating the end of Parks and Recreation by getting rid of the show as fast as possible. The network has finally announced a premiere date for the beloved comedy's seventh and final season—and it's saying goodbye to the sitcom by burning it off with back-to-back episodes over the course of seven weeks. 

After sitting the bench this fall, Parks and Recreation will return on Tuesday, January 13 at 8pm with a pair of new episodes. The show will then continue its double-dip of Pawnee adventures each week until February 24, when the hour-long series finale airs after a new episode of The Voice. 

Why would NBC be in such a rush to ditch one of its last acclaimed comedies? According to the network's press release, airing all of Parks and Rec's final season in seven weeks will "eventize" it and "maximize the show's cultural impact," whatever that means. 

NBC also took care to point out that Season 7 will debut in the "afterglow" of Parks and Rec star Amy Poehler's co-hosting gig (with pal Tina Fey) at the 2015 Golden Globes, which are set to air on Sunday, January 11. 

But no matter which words NBC chooses to use, this smells like a network shoving a series out the door with little concern for "maximizing cultural impact." Hey, at least Peter Pan Live! is almost here, right?

2014 Fall Finales Calendar: Find Out When Your Favorite Shows Are Signing Off for the Year

The end of the year is upon us, and with it, the onset of TV's winter hiatus, when all our favorite shows hibernate for anywhere from a couple weeks to a couple months while we mire in reruns. With a slew of mid-season send-offs (as well a few season and series finales) on the docket for December, we've compiled a handy schedule to help you keep track of what's signing off when. Below, you'll find all of this fall's finale dates organized alphabetically by show (if you'd prefer a chronological listing, check out Page 2). Happy holidays! 

Note: If a show isn't listed, that may be because we don't have a confirmed 2014 end date for it. We'll continue to update this story as more dates role in. 

THE 100 – Wednesday, December 17, The CW

A TO Z – Thursday, December 11, NBC 

ABOUT A BOY – Tuesday, December 9, NBC

THE AMAZING RACE – Friday, December 19, CBS

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: FREAK SHOW – Wednesday, December 17, FX

ANGER MANAGEMENT – Monday, December 22, FX

ARROW – Wednesday, December 10, The CW

BAD JUDGE – Thursday, December 11, NBC 

THE BLACKLIST – Monday, November 10, NBC (Here's our review of "The Decembrist"!)

BONES – Thursday, December 11, Fox

CASTLE – Monday, December 8, ABC

CHICAGO FIRE – Tuesday, December 2, NBC

CHICAGO P.D. – Wednesday, December 10, NBC

FAMILY GUY – Sunday, December 7, Fox

THE FLASH – Tuesday, December 9, The CW

THE GOOD WIFE – Sunday, November 23, CBS (Here's our review of "The Trial"!)

GOTHAM – Monday, November 24, Fox (Here's our review of "Lovecraft"!)

GRACEPOINT – Thursday, December 11, Fox 

GREY'S ANATOMY – Thursday, November 20, ABC

GRIMM – Friday, December 12, NBC

HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER – Thursday, November 20, ABC (Here's our review of "Kill Me Kill Me Kill Me"!)

JANE THE VIRGIN – Monday, December 15, The CW

LAW & ORDER: SVU – Wednesday, December 10, NBC

MADAM SECRETARY – Sunday, November 30, CBS

MARRY ME – Tuesday, December 9, NBC

MARVEL'S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. – Tuesday, December 9, ABC

MASTERCHEF JUNIOR – Tuesday, December 16, Fox

THE MYSTERIES OF LAURA – Wednesday, December 10, NBC

NASHVILLE – Wednesday, December 10, ABC

NCIS – Tuesday, December 16, CBS

NCIS: LOS ANGELES – Monday, December 15, CBS

NCIS: NEW ORLEANS – Tuesday, December 16, CBS

THE NEWSROOM – Sunday, December 14, HBO (Series finale)

ONCE UPON A TIME – Sunday, December 14, ABC

THE ORIGINALS – Monday, December 8, The CW

PARENTHOOD  – Thursday, November 20, NBC

PERSON OF INTEREST – Tuesday, December 16, CBS

RED BAND SOCIETY – Wednesday, December 3, Fox (Note that we're not sure what the show's future holds)

REIGN – Thursday, December 11, The CW

RESURRECTION – Sunday, December 7, ABC

REVENGE – Sunday, December 7, ABC

SCANDAL – Thursday, November 20, ABC (Here's our review of "Where the Sun Doesn't Shine"!)

SLEEPY HOLLOW – Monday, December 1, Fox

SONS OF ANARCHY – Tuesday, December 9, FX (Series finale)

SUPERNATURAL – Tuesday, December 9, The CW

SURVIVOR – Wednesday, December 17, CBS (Season 29 finale)

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES – Thursday, December 11, The CW

THE WALKING DEAD – Sunday, November 30, AMC (Here's our review of "Coda"!)

Here's a chronological list of this year's fall finales (with a few series finales thrown in, too).

November

The Blacklist (Here's our review of "The Decembrist"!)

The Good Wife (Here's our review of "The Trial"!)

Gotham (Here's our review of "Lovecraft"!)

Grey's Anatomy 

How to Get Away With Murder (Here's our review of "Kill Me Kill Me Kill Me"!)

Madam Secretary

Parenthood

Scandal (Here's our review of "Where the Sun Doesn't Shine"!)

The Walking Dead (Here's our review of "Coda"!)

Monday, December 1

Sleepy Hollow

Tuesday, December 2

Chicago Fire

Wednesday, December 3

Red Band Society (Note that we're not sure what the show's future holds)

Sunday, December 7

Madam Secretary

Resurrection

Revenge

Monday, December 8

Castle

The Originals

Tuesday, December 9

About a Boy

The Flash

Marry Me

Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Sons of Anarchy (Series finale)

Supernatural

Wednesday, December 10

Arrow

Chicago P.D.

Law & Order: SVU

The Mysteries of Laura

Nashville

Thursday, December 11

A to Z (Series finale)

Bad Judge (Series finale)

Bones

Gracepoint

Reign

The Vampire Diaries

Friday, December 12

Grimm

Sunday, December 14

The Newsroom (Series finale)

Once Upon a Time

Monday, December 15

Jane the Virgin

NCIS: Los Angeles

Tuesday, December 16

MasterChef Junior

NCIS

NCIS: New Orleans

Person of Interest

Wednesday, December 17

The 100

American Horror Story: Freak Show

Survivor (Season 29 finale)

Friday, December 19

The Amazing Race (Season 25 finale)

Monday, December 22

Anger Management (Series finale)

The Walking Dead Season 5 Fall Finale Review: Heartbreaking and Head-Scratching

The Walking Dead S05E08: "Coda"

Whyyyyyy do you always take the good ones, The Walking Dead!?!? I'm shaking my fists at you so hard right now, I could probably shatter a Shake Weight! "Coda" wrapped up the first half of Season 5 by killing off another character, because that's what happens on The Walking Dead. Unfortunately, it was someone I'd taken quite a shine to: Beth, who's been one of my favorites since The Walking Dead decided to make her a real human being instead of blonde zombie chow. And even more unfortunately, her death was senseless, entirely avoidable, plain stupid (well, mostly stupid), and seemingly done just because the show needed someone to die. 

Goodbye Beth, you finger-flipping, Peach Schnapps-wanting, moonshine-chugging, campfire-singalong-ing, baby-sitting, cabin-burning, bullshit-calling badass. You will be missed.

After starting out strong with several entertaining installments that focused on developing characters and telling tighter stories, Season 5 stumbled with last week's "Crossed" and crashed into your mom's antique China cabinet in "Coda." It'd be easy to label the decline as predictable, given The Walking Dead's history of consistent inconsistency, but so many signs pointed to the show maturing and coming into its own that an episode about storming a hospital to carry out a rescue mission should have been the easiest chapter to put together. 

The good news is that I don't think "Coda" returned The Walking Dead to its old, "Eh, it's kinda good sometimes" M.O. However, it's now clear that the entire Grady Memorial Hospital storyline wasn't really successful, and I believe it was thrown together to give the second half of Season 5 some sort of goal. My dislike of "Slabtown" (Beth's hospital-centric episode) makes even more sense now, as an hour of prep work wasn't long enough to build a solid foundation for these final two episodes. It's difficult to introduce new characters in an eight-episode half-season that's otherwise focused on people we already know, and Dawn and the rest of her cuckoo Red Bland Society suffered greatly for it. 

Did anyone ever really care about the folks in the hospital besides Noah and maybe that strawberry-loving Santa Claus who didn't know how to sew? I don't even think Dawn knew who Dawn was. She was a supposed tyrant who gave Beth a set of keys to the drug locker and named Beth her personal ward after Beth broke the number-one rule of Grady by trying to escape. Dawn's reluctant minions certainly didn't know who she was, as Rick's interrogations of the cops he took hostage yielded a chorus of, "Dawn might do this," "Dawn might do that," and "Who the hell knows what Dawn will do?" instead of anything interesting. And the permanently lingering question of, "Are these dopes even good enough or scary enough to face off against Rick?" hung around until the very end, when the answer was revealed to be a resounding, "NO." 

While it was definitely an interesting and effective decision for The Walking Dead to quickly wrap up the cannibal storyline, trying to squeeze all of Grady into what was essentially a three-episode arc was a major misstep. Gareth's end had the element of surprise because it happened unexpectedly; The Walking Dead hadn't ever eliminated a big threat like that so early in the season, and the show executed it well. But with the fall finale generally expected to serve as another end-of-plot milestone, the Grady storyline had the burden of predictable finality working against it, and it ended before an interesting story could ever unfold and before Dawn and her pals could be established as worthy adversaries. We knew the Grady story was wrapping up in "Coda," so we wanted more. I didn't even get the bloody shootout I was hoping for. (I'm not saying a bloody shootout = good television, but The Walking Dead has built its reputation on violence, so gimme the damn bullets and exploding heads already.) 

I still barely know what was going on in the hospital in the first place. Several quiet conversations in "Coda" shed no light on the situation, only adding to the confusion. The hospital crew was mad at Dawn because she forced them to stay against their will but also protected them? The cops who worked for Dawn all hated her because she didn't want them raping girls they brought in? Cops ran over people with cars in order to care for them at the hospital and then lobbied to take them off life support? I suppose the takeaway is that The Walking Dead's various micro-societies are having a heck of a time establishing any sort of rule, balance, or equality in this world, but there were much better ways for the show to get that message across than with the jumbling mess that was Grady.

And so we circle back to Beth. Along with Carol, Beth because one of The Walking Dead's most interesting characters in the series' Great Character Rebuilding of '13. So it boggles my mind to mush that the writers would decide to kill her off now rather than jettison some of the more expendable characters (Sasha, Tara, at this point even Tyreese, and Sasha again). The show still had plenty of stories to tell with Beth, and the dynamic she brought to the group—a growing woman who thought she didn't need protection, yet who everyone wanted to protect—still had juice to wring out. Emotional resonance appears to be what the writers were going for by killing her off, and congratulations, they got that. I am very sad that Beth had the back of her skull popped off thanks to Dawn's instinctive reaction to being stabbed by a sharp object. 

Actually, upset might be the better word. Setting aside the fact that Beth is dead and focusing on how Beth died is akin to self-lobotomization. What the fuck was she thinking when she tried to gash Dawn with a pair of teeny-tiny suture cutters? Why, after everyone risked their lives to save her, would Beth jeopardize everything just to poke a hole in a character who ultimately never mattered or made sense? And more importantly, who would've easily been forgotten if Beth had just walked away? It's not like Dawn was going to hunt Beth down like rageaholics the Governor and Gareth. Did Beth do it to save Noah? Did she know that Dawn would attack her in retaliation and that Daryl would kill Dawn, thus breaking the shackles on Noah and freeing him? How did she know the hallway wouldn't end up in a hail of gunfire with everyone dying? That move was completely out-of-character for Beth, who was admittedly a risk-taker when it came to hunting for beer or burning down Daryl's memories but was all about survival and never as naive as she was initially portrayed to be. Heck, it was completely out-of-character for anyone in the entire Walking Dead universe, because it was absolutely the worst thing to do in that situation. Beth stabbing Dawn was so forced, so obviously a way for the show to kill someone off, that it completely undermined the emotional impact of Daryl weeping and carrying Beth's corpse out of the hospital or Maggie falling to her knees in agony. While they were in shock and grieving, I was still wrapping my noggin around how unnecessary and dumb Beth's death was. 

The Walking Dead is falling into its own trap of staying relevant by killing off beloved characters. Remember, this show has no end or goal, and with its audience developing an immunity to zombie attacks due to overexposure, all that's left for the show to do is space out character deaths. That's fine, and it's what we all expect. But The Walking Dead still needs to put effort into how people die, and Dawn shooting Beth was the laziest offing yet.

A few other things happened in "Coda." Father Gabriel's temporary escape from church to visit the local school went bad (surprise!), so he came scampering back to the church like a closet hedonist returning from a Vegas bachelor party. And he ruined the safehouse for everyone else when Michonne had to hack down the secured door just to let him in, bringing in unwanted walkers and forcing Michonne, Carl, Lil' Asskicker, and Gabriel to escape through the floorboards. So essentially, Gabriel begged to be let in only to immediately leave after coming back with a bunch of dead things. Is Gabriel a housecat? Way to go, Gabe. There are times when a group of survivors in a zombie apocalypse needs to take inventory and weed out those who might do them more harm than good, and now is the time to politely give Gabriel the boot. "Sorry, Father, but you have sinned by being such a dumbass. Now get." But the disastrous results of Gabriel's follies did allow us to witness Michonne going all Vitamix on some zombies and an ironic juxtaposition of scripture:

Also this:

Team Short Bus also made it back to the group, with Abraham putting the finishing touches on destroying the church safehouse by running over the stairs and external organ-pipe spike guards. It was bad enough that the church was overrun by walkers (who, let's face it, could have been cleared out in 15 minutes), but once the stairs were gone, forget it. That church was toast. Anyway, everyone reunited just in time to show up to Grady too late to save Beth's life. 

The Walking Dead's fifth season has been all about showing restraint, but holding back didn't work out for "Coda." The Grady Memorial Hospital plot was already boring and underdeveloped, and it went out on a boring and underdeveloped note. The Walking Dead has had plenty of misfires in its finales and mid-season finales, and this was as big a letdown as any of them. And what was it for? To trade Noah for Beth and kick off a cycle of mourning? Season 5A still comes out ahead thanks to its first six episodes, but even with a mediocre ending it would've arguably been the best half-season of The Walking Dead to date. Instead, it's a pretty good half-season with one huge caveat. Everyone should've listened to Rick in the first place.  

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FESTERING BITEMARKS

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– Awwww! Watching Emily Kinney cry on Talking Dead was super sad. In fact, Talking Dead was way more emotional than The Walking Dead this week. Watching the proof of Emily Kinney's connection to her character seep out of her eyeballs had more of an effect on me than the whatthefuckery of, "Wait, why did Beth just die now?" at the end of "Coda."

– Also, LOL at Robert Kirkman sitting awkwardly next to Kinney the entire time.

– The best part of "Coda" might've been the weird "bonus scene," where Morgan continued following Gareth's tree markings to the church, closing in on Rick's group. This show needs Morgan back, fast. I can't wait for him to show up next year.

– Apparently The Walking Dead's Facebook page started posting R.I.P. Beth messages well before the West Coast airing, spoiling fans who hadn't had the chance to watch the episode yet, and then reposted them just after the West Coast airing, spoiling those who didn't watch it live. Does someone need to teach the show's social media team how the internet and time zones work?

– As it turns out, Rick might be the character who's changed most and for the best in Season 5A. (Well, technically, he stayed on course from the end of Season 4.) The guy was a heartless badass in "Coda," love-tapping that handcuffed runner and then shooting him in the head. While Tyreese promoted peace and happiness, Rick was planning throat-slittings. This is Anti-Farmer Rick. This is a Rick who calmly tells a defenseless, handcuffed guy with a broken back to shut up before shooting him in the face. I like this Rick.

– Since Carol didn't have ANYTHING to do in these final two episodes, is it possible that Rick is my favorite character on the show right now? Will someone please investigate whether there's an ice-skating rink in hell?

– Maggie falling to the ground after seeing Beth's corpse was an, "Oh NOW you care?" moment, seeing as she barely shrugged when Beth went missing in the first place. Abraham's face sums up my feelings:

– I was really hoping Santa Claus was going to take Rick's offer and join up with their group.

– At least Beth died after accomplishing something I've always wanted to try: pushing someone down an elevator shaft to their death.