Hopefully you didn't expect Pretty Little Liars to celebrate its first Christmas special by handing over everything you wanted wrapped with a pretty bow. One, because that would mean you have no idea how Pretty Little Liars works, which would mean you haven't been watching for the past five years. And if this was your first episode, you were probably like, "Why are they picking on that pretty little living doll? She seems nice enough. Everyone else on this show is horrible." It'd certainly be a justified response (we'll get to that). But two, because "How the 'A' Stole Christmas" was all about setting the table for a Season 5B feast, which should be a veritable smorgasbord. A julbord, if you will.
The theme that's going to tie the whole meal together is the Old Us vs. the New Them story. Season 5A was all about how Ali would eventually reintegrate into society and, most importantly, into the Liars. That went over about as well as expected, with the sociopath-apparent ultimately being rejected from the clique like a baboon heart. After so much time spent trying to rescue Ali from the threats that have kept her on the run and from the toxic environment of their little hometown, the Liars have banded together against their former friend, having settled on Ali being A once and for all. Which leads me to believe that Ali can't possibly be A.
The point is, there's been a shift in the Liars' common purpose (which, frankly, the girls might need in order to stay pals; it's what brought them together in the first place). But Ali is not alone, having recruited the silent twins Truscoll (who are mostly around to serve as decoys) and now Jenna and Sydney, who've only joined up under the pretense of "keeping your enemies closer." It seems that the Liars vs. Ali will be the basic premise that fuels every conflict between now and graduation.
So everything that A does to them will add more Yule logs to the fire of their suspicion of Alison. For Spencer, it begins with what seems like a foregone conclusion that she's going down for the Bethany Young murder. Even though they've found some pretty condemning evidence (the letter from Bethany which I whole-heartedly believe a Rosewood jury will find condemning and not convenient), Spencer did get dragged through a murder trial during the holidays. The most vengeful, spiteful, clever, calculating, manipulative Liar that's not Ali was dragged through a murder trial for a crime she knows she didn't commit. That probably won't end well for someone.
More interesting to me, however, is that they all assume Ali was the one that killed Mona. Although I like that Emily realizes that they live in a universe based on soap opera rules and that none of them have seen the body, we have seen her and she's doornails. It's been a very fast turnaround for Mona who, mere episodes before her death (two weeks? three days? fifteen minutes? Rosewood time, man), was public enemy number one or, at the very least, on a naughty list of people the Liars could never trust. And fair enough. But within the span of one or maybe two episodes, Mona became an endearing figure for the Liars. She's a martyr around whom they can rally.
But these are lingering things from when A was active thirty days prior. According to the very elaborately planned snow globe gift (made possible by a complicit Salvation Army-like Santa who gives away gifts when people make a donation), A is on vacation. More of a staycation, really. If I had the capital A seems to have accumulated, I'd be in the tropics immediately once all my ducks were in a row and all my whistleblowers were murdered, kicking my shoes all slow-mo-like into the air like I was in a Corona commercial. Not A, though. S/he had to stick around for his/her Christmas lights set-up.
Can we take a moment to recognize how difficult that had to have been? Not only do the letters look perfect but there are spaces. There is a comma. All the words are separate from each other. And you don't even see any cords floating around on their way to the outlet. It's astonishing. How does A have the time? As someone that's tried to assemble Christmas lights into patterns only for them to look like a broken Lite-Brite, let's give a hand to the set designers for putting that together and the prop designers who have to craft every little deviously creative threat that requires more than a text. There is no one on this planet that knows more about how impossible it would be for any one person or any small group to assemble all the ridiculous craft projects s/he uses to threaten foes. "So you need a baby-sized casket and five dolls that look like each of the Liars plus Mona? And A is supposed to do all of this in three days? Riiiiiiiiiiight."
But I digress.
With all the major conflicts set up, the other thing the episode tried to achieve was a true sense of Christmas. There was no ambiguity about which winter holiday this episode was about. The only distraction from this being the Baby Jesus's birthday was the Hanukkah SUV parked under the massive Santa sleigh hanging in the town square. There is no war on Christmas here. No one saying, "Season's Greetings." It was prayers around the Christmas beast, everyone expected to be part of the give-exchange process, and Rosewoodians all needing that warm sense of family in order for it to be Christmas. Ali's Ice Ball might've been the most religiously-inclusive part of Rosewood. It's major feature was a fake frosted pine tree corn maze which I think is something everyone can get behind.
The weirdest part of their Christmas spirit were the Christmas spirits, and not the ones #Haleb stopped drinking before they started jogging that one time. In an already crowded episode, they decided to include an extended A Christmas Carol homage where Ali was visited by the ghost of Mona, preceded by Mrs. D who was just a few chains short of Jacob Marley. Mona was the conflation of Past and Present, showing Ali the first time Mrs. D encouraged Alison to lie (and showing us the first time she was gifted something in Doom Yellow) and then helping her along to her "future." Mrs. D pulls double-duty being Future and Death as Mona pulls back the lid of a casket where Ali's dead and her legs are missing. Ali's mom also tells her that she's going to hell, which is something I think we all assumed, but it's not exactly very Christmasy.
In the end, Alison the Scrooge didn't get to jump in on the merry Christmas the Liars and their Significant Others were having while chanting their Whoville songs and sharing in roast beast. But is she the Grinch? Is she the one the title announces she who had stolen Christmas? With A taking a holiday, it's hard to say whether Alison is actually A but the episode certainly didn't go out of its way to cast her in a very suspicious light.
Though she shared a clandestine kiss with someone in a Santa hat who might've been Holbrook (I'm suspending judgement), she was perfectly civil with Surprise Guest Star Cece Drake and neither of them seemed to make even one surreptitious plan. Other than guiding the Truscoll twins down a weird fashion path, she showed no malice during the episode. It was all the Liars being hunters. I'm curious if it'll stay that way where the Liars are the aggressors and start to look like villains while Ali just tries to keep out of danger by assembling a number of body shields to stand around her for when Uber A returns from winter break.
As for the episode as a whole, it improved as it went on. It might've been the clunkiest cold open Pretty Little Liars has done in a while as they struggled through exposition, heavy-handed dialogue, and some cheesy one liners. Even Hanna's "court gesture/jester" confusion was off. By the time Spencer and Hanna explored Ali's house for clues, it was back to its old self again, a mix of horror, suspense, teen drama, and Toby flickering his flash enough to give a Porygon epilepsy.
The note that it ends on, emphasized by Emily's toast of "To this family, may we always stay together," is that the Liars with their significant others comprise the only true family they have. Where are the Hastings? Where is Ashley Marin? Where are the Montgomeries? Emily's parents are in Texas but why couldn't they be involved in this little party? Because family has nothing to do with blood anymore. Blood is thin compared to the emotional trauma of being anonymously bullied. All of those people are united through their new head of family, A. They are a now a clan galvanized by PTSD and manipulation hangovers. To them, their bond is stronger than however involved Byron was in raising Aria. On Christmas, family is where you find it and these people all found it by being liars, creeps, and gray ethics. Merry Christmas! Every one!
NOTES
– In case you missed what a Hanukkah SUV looks like:
– Aria would rather dance on dead monkeys than go to Ali's party? That's one of those unsubtle references PLL likes to insert that usually has some root in a literary or pop culture work. But I couldn't figure this one out. Maybe Aria has just escalated from birds to primates. Soon: earrings made from the most dangerous game.
– Mona signed her note with "kisses," which leads me to believe that the notes A signed with "kisses —A" (in the most recent seasons) are from Mona working either as a member of the A Team or otherwise.
– Is Mona a ghost, or is she auditioning for the live-action role of Roxy from Jem?
– Also of note, this is how Ravenswood has ruined the PLL narrative: Were those actually ghosts visiting Alison or just dreams? Because it could go either way now. Does that mean Caleb is going to start dating Mona? I 'ship it.
– On top of all the stuff already happening on the show and a Charles Dickens-inspired B story, there was also an extended Hitchcock metaphor, specifically Rear Window. It's a little crowded in here, guys. Did we need all of those allusions in one episode? Luckily, it ended with a scene involving deep focus and someone having written "Here lie the broken bones of Toby Cavanaugh" on his cast (plus the long photo lens when Hanna and Spencer were snooping around the DiLaurentis house). If Toby had accidentally witnessed a murder in the attic, I'm not sure if my eyes would've ever stopped rolling. Besides, I knew his broken leg from that random accident was going to have to go somewhere, but I'd really hoped it was going to be him as Tiny Tim. Missed opportunity.
– Spencer decided that for what might possibly be her last Christmas, she would take the opportunity to dress up like Annie Edison from the Glee parody episode ofCommunity. This is also my opportunity for watching my favorite Christmas rap.
– Does Rosewood have underprivileged youths? Are the kids at the church said underprivileged youths? Did Hanna just scold an impoverished girl? "In Rosewood, bitches get buried." That's pretty intense for a 10-year old, Han.
– The only reference I could find for the Shady Days Nursing Home is one to the bookComforts of Home by Jodi Thomas, which is about a tornado that rips through a town and gives everyone an opportunity to find out what really matters to them and who their friends truly are as they struggle to survive. Sounds familiar.
– God bless you, Lucas. I'm glad you were able to get hot women to flock around you even while wearing thick, furry pants and a giant beard.
– Don't think that signature fragrance won't come up again. Table-setting, my friends.
– I love that Spencer thinks so poorly of Ali that she didn't even entertain the idea that Ali's reference to Breakfast at Tiffany's could've been from the book, that it must've been from the movie. And she was right.
– Toby mentioned that Spencer's heart grew three sizes. Like the Grinch's. And this episode was called "How the 'A' Stole Christmas." Chalk one up for the "Spencer is A" conspiracy theory.
– So, for their Christmas presents, the Significant Others stripped to the waist (except Paige dressing modestly in a thin T-shirt) and wore tiny Santa shorts. In the next scene, they were all dressed normally. I'm assuming that was post-Liars-orgy. I mean, otherwise, what's the point?
– Paige is moving to California? Rosewood High is still on the quarter system?
– The most endearing Ezra has been in this entire series was when he was talking about how he once received two ponies for Christmas. Man, his parents really sound like horrible people, don't they? Don't want him to be scandalized by dating a teenager and gave him two ponies as a kid? Fascists.
– I don't care for Cindy and Mindy.
What'd you think of "How the 'A' Stole Christmas?"